Refining Fire

You know when a long string of messages and passages all seem to say the same thing? It crosses your mind that maybe God is trying to get your attention on something. It had been a month like that for me, when message after message seemed to repeat the same refrain:

trust His purposes.

In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, Blessed be the name of the Lord. In many aspects of my life I felt surrounded by a loving sovereign God. But I had been grappling with the question, “why?” Why would God ask me to walk through the hurt and the disappointed hopes of a painful, incurable disease? I looked for meaning but I knew only confusion and a lingering sense of betrayal. Didn’t His promises say that He would work all things together for good to those that loved Him? His grace was sufficient, as He promised, but the ongoing battles were grueling and I searched for meaning in a situation that felt senseless.

And then, there it was…that long string of messages and passages that all seemed to repeat: trust His purposes. One message rebuked my heart for the assumption that God owed me anything, even a healthy body. Job expresses a true humility in Job 1:21 “And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” I’m privileged just to be here; God owes me nothing and everything from his hand is a gift of grace.

There is one thing that I have clung to and fervently believed through the most desperate moments…and that is that God never, ever wastes a hurt. The heat that overwhelms us, purifies us…refining fire. God knows in our arrogance we think we can walk in our own strength, but only in our weakness is his strength made perfect. When we are emptied of our resources and our last-ditch efforts have failed, then God moves: that the world may see and know that

“by his hand He hath done this.”

But even as I trust God to use my pain to make much of Him, I struggle to keep hope. Tonight the pain, and the fear, and the hurt of dashed dreams seeks to consume me. I cry His promises back to Him in desperation, “Hide me under the shadow of your wings,” “you will never leave me, nor forsake me,” “your grace is sufficient for me,” “when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I…” and as I reach for his Word He silences my storm. Paul’s pen scratches across the first chapter of I Peter, and tonight he is writing only to me.
…Now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more than gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

And Job whispers through the peace after his pain, “I had heard of You with my ears, Lord…but now…now my eyes have seen You.”


God, if the only purpose in my pain is to draw me to your heart, then give me more. I need you more than I need anything else. You alone are hope and the promise for tomorrow. I will rest in you, and you will carry me. Pull me to your side, and let me know you in the fellowship of your sufferings and the compassion of your heart. I will trust you through the fire.

That's What Christmas Is All About

"It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees...I wish I had a river I could skate away on."
"Last Christmas I give you my heart, but the very next day, you give it away..."
"Santa Baby, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot."


Whoa. When did Christmas become all about us? The songs, the presents, the celebration...we squeeze in church somewhere between the Christmas Eve party and the last minute shopping. But shouldn't the church be the center of our focus at Christmas? I feel like throwing up my hands like Charlie Brown shouting, "Doesn't anyone know what Christmas is all about?" Enter the familiar figure of Linus, trailing his faded blue blanket behind him.
"'...Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men.' That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown." Linus says.

Christmas...when incarnate God became carnate man, God with us. Immanuel. His coming perfected the promise of 400 years earlier: "He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the Lord hath spoken it. And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this is the Lord; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation." [Isaiah 25:8-9]

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!

Good bye's and I Love You's

The words "I love you" should never have to be followed by the words, "good bye." They don't seem to belong together at all. Two hearts once tied can never be truly seperated. But sometimes, it's not a seperation at all. It's a "I'll see you on the other side." I wonder what Abraham must have been thinking as he took his precious son up the mountain and laid him on the harsh stone of the altar. What went through God's mind as by the force of his will he turned his face from his son on the cross? You know,in both of those situations, the good bye had nothing to do with Isaac or even Christ...the decision was Abraham's. It was God's. And so, also, was the searing pain of sacrifice...the decision that someone else was worth more than any other to them. God did not require Isaac's life; but He required Abraham's obedience. When it came to his own son, God was willing to give everything to restore a right relationship with us. Don't we owe him the same?